The Lost Playlist
When I feel extremely low, I shut myself from everything and everyone. That was the case for almost one and a half years. But I somehow switched on the ‘extrovert button’ in me.
There is a term in Hindu Mythology — Trishanku Heaven, according to ‘Quora’ it symbolizes a state of limbo or an unresolved situation.
The word “Trishanku” comes from Hindu mythology and refers to a character in the epic Ramayana. Trishanku was a king who desired to ascend to heaven in his mortal body. When he sought the help of Sage Vishwamitra, the sage attempted to fulfill his wish, but the gods opposed it. As a result, Trishanku was left hanging between heaven and earth, leading to the term “Trishanku” being used to describe a state of being caught between two worlds or a situation of indecision. (Copied)
Since then I have been in a dilemma, lost the essence of me. I need people around me and I want them to go as well. Sometimes I could find solace by talking to people, (even strangers). This is how I endured the loneliness on my Solo trip a few months ago! But, on an equal amount of occasions, I shut myself off from people because their presence wouldn't be adequate to overcome whatever I am going through.
Yesterday, I was having a conversation with the chief editor of the news channel I was working with.
However, the conversation ended up with my inability to recognize smell due to an accident. My overthinking brain digs up a few instances in my life. The way it unfolded with all those cues was pretty scary.
There were three people.,
- The young conductor of the bus named Nasha with which I traveled to my college for three years.
- Rohith, one of my good friends, part of the quiz club I have founded.
- Vineetha — a close friend, one of the most intelligent and creative people I have ever met.
Story of a Playlist
The private buses in Kerala especially in central Kerala discriminate against the students with concession tickets. They won't allow you to sit on the bus because you have a ‘student discount’ ticket. My encounters with these bus conductors are a story for another day.
This young conductor slightly older than us was friendly to us. He allowed us to sit during that entire 1.5-hour journey. Don't ask us to get up for someone with an ‘adult ticket’. And at times we used to have some random conversations. He was friendly with the employees of the ‘rival bus services’. (Oh wait, didn’t I say — fights between the private buses are pretty common in Kerala)
It was the 2014–2015 period. I didn't have a smartphone. This guy used to play all the trending songs in buses(If you are a non-mallu, ask for the playlist of a private bus, you will get the classics, underrated gems — basically the must-haves of Malayalam music)
So, one evening, I, Athul, and Sathyanand — The trio of friends who used to go together had a good conversation with this conductor fellow. We said goodbye to him at the end of the journey.
We go to the college in the morning on a different bus. I was waiting for the bus, and other two friends boarded the bus before me(we live 5 km apart), and no conversation happened before (This was pre-Jio period).
My bus stop is just after a curve in the road. So, when the bus appears, I get the feeling of its raining in the desert. I used to carefully observe the sound of the horn of the bus. It's very recognizable because my native is such a lush green peaceful village. Haa, I miss it!
But when that day, when the bus appeared my eyes stuck to the left side of the huge front glass of the bus.
I could see the photo of that young bus conductor. Under the photo, they have printed ‘Adaranjalikal’ (condolences). His age was in the brackets, but I couldn't read it, because I was in shock. Let's imagine he is ageless, forever!
When I got onto the bus, I could see the pale red face of Sathyan and the clueless phase of Athul.
What Happened? I asked.
They had no idea.
We tried to ask the employees of the bus we were traveling.
The employees of the bus usually sleep inside the bus, and sometimes they go to their home if it is closer. This young guy took his motorcycle to go home in the early hours of that day. He was sleeping on the bus yesterday after cleaning the bus. His calculation was to catch the first trip of the bus on the way. In fact that makes sense, anyway, the bus makes trips in front of his house.
It was early hours as I said, he was peacefully riding the motorcycle. There was something moving ahead of him, though he had lights, he couldn't see it properly. If my memory is not lying to me, it was November/ December. It is usually misty in our area over that period of time.
Within seconds many things changed. The pace of the motorcycle, the sound of the roads, the breath of that young guy, the story of his family……
It was a huge Lorry that carried a timber. The rope that ensured the safety of the logs, people on the road, and the driver himself, broke!
The huge pieces of logs are destined to become beautiful furniture that took away one life. He had a family to look after.
I don't remember his face clearly, but do remember the playlist.
I survived one bike accident a few years later, but it took my ability to smell things.
