How To Get Over With The Shitty Breakup -5 Cheesy Steps.
Notes from a guy who never had a active love life.
OK.
Now I think I might have your attention. So this is purely fictional. Or let me put this way, Nonsense .
Because the above mentioned guy who never been in a relationship is writing this stuff. The major feel good movies twists the very linear story lines to enhance the cinematic value and they are doing a stunning job to be honest.
And those feel good movies are often have the word “love" , even in the titles.
Love actually, Whats love looks like, Love, Rosie, Love, Simon and many more.
And these injects a virtually created emotional purity and value, which is utterly bullshit to alter peaceful life of many. I am not blaming the beautifully crafted movies, but the people who absorbs it sometimes blindly and fall in love for no reason.
Oh! I really misdirected .
So, talking about the possible ways to get over with the pile of shits you still keeping, sometimes even after years, I dont know are those are really realistic .
Anyway, Last year during valentines day, some Zoo , somewhere in this very earth offered a facility.
The deal is simple. You can choose a rat or cockroach and name them as your ex, and throws them into the pits of animals and birds. So you will get a satisfactory feel. (People actually did that? , Btw, its far better way to throw acid into someone’s face)
Similarly here are the ideas I came up with.
- If you have an image of your ex, in Laptop , mobile phones or anything, take the device. Go to a pool. Change to your swimsuit . Take a deep fake breath. Place the device in your chest. And do a double flip. Be under the 6 ft pool for exactly 1 minute 9 seconds. Come back and take a nap under the shady tree near to the pool.
2. Buy some Origami sheets. Write your ex’s name on it. Make a pigeon out of it. Then go to a pet store. Buy a live pigeon. Tie the origami pigeon to the legs(Not Your legs, fool). If you have a licenced gun, then use it. Or else, Go to Childish Gambino. Take 2 drops of dripping blood out of the anus of the pigeon and burn the paper after applying the blood neatly to it.
3. Buy a CD and CD Player. If you cant find one, then Ask CDS. Copy the song that you often listen on loop, because your ex pushes you to do so. (Its her favourite shit too). This is gonna complicate things. After ensuring that the song is copied, take a sharp pencil out of your never used work/study table (you are allowed to borrow from a student in neighborhood only if he is less than 10 years old. ) draw a penis over the flashy side of CD.( You know how to do it Byotch). Then sent it to the ever moving ISS. Add a note that, “put this too in space garbage. This shit doesn’t belongs to the freaking earth.”
4. Rent Die Hard DVD from a blockbuster outlet, if that shit still exists. Or else, you can go to walmart and buy the ingredients necessary for Lasagna. And don’t forget Sriracha to draw funny face ☺. If you have the DVD, write her/his name with a permanent marker. Stuff it inside the thanksgiving turkey you are gonna cook. Your anger should melt with the turkey fat. And the lasagna should be half cooked and again you have to draw a happy face alongside the name. Then place the lasagna over your head. Ask your homie to go upstairs. Whenever your pal hit you with box full of the memories in the head the task will be completed.
5. This is quite expensive . Buy a pair of tickets to a luxury cruise to Malaysia. The the other seat is meant for an Meerkat named after your ex. After your quick nap at the deck , take the Meerkat for a spitting competition. If the creature wins, commit suicide and refuse the helping hands of sailors. If you wins, barbeque him/her and let the most elderly couple of the cruise to eat.
I hope, you feel relieved. Go for it.
See you soon, with some life changing tips and tricks.
Until then. . . . . .
